The teaser trailer for Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens was released yesterday. If you haven’t seen it yet (What’s wrong with you?) it’s below.

My Thoughts on the Trailer for Star Wars: Episode VII

  • Sweet waffle on a stick, we’re twenty seconds in and nothing has happened.
  • Oh so there are at least two black people in the Star Wars universe: Lando and this random Storm Trooper.
  • He looks appropriately sweaty for someone wearing full body armor in what appears to be a desert. Let’s hope that realism keeps up.
  • Cute little robot on a soccer ball. Reminds me of DJ Roomba?
  • More darkness. Pretty sure there’s more black screen than trailer here.
  • Oh Storm Troopers in a kind of ominous setting. Are they going to actually present a threat to people in this one?
  • Who are these people?
  • These vehicles look vaguely familiar. Nice x-wings.
  • That’s a bad ass lightsaber. I know tweeters have started calling it a “laser claymore”, and the inaccuracy of it rustles my jimmies a bit. First of all, lightsabers are plasma weapons. Second of all, claymores are two-handed swords that have quillons that point diagonally up and end in a quatrefoil design.

    A one-handed sword with a symmetrical, cruciform hilt is an arming sword (though some cut-and-thrust swords would qualify as well). So this is a plasma arming sword, get it right people. Gosh.
  • Anyways, I was watching a trailer.
  • More darkness with voice over. Does Disney know that most people watch trailers to watch stuff?
  • Aw yiss, the Millenium Falcon!
  • Was that less than twelve parsecs?
  • Oh, the logo. Is that it?
  • I already know the name of this damn movie, we don’t need to dedicate this much time to a slow-motion animation of it.
  • December 2015, a year from now. Great.
  • So help me if they don’t release a trailer that has more than 37 seconds (yes, I totally counted) of content soon I’m going to rage out. I get it, it’s a “teaser” trailer, but at least tease me with something!
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